(This is a full out reaction/retelling-ish sort of blog I created based on the premiere of LOST. Yes it’s a week and a half late, but…yeah I have no excuse. Moving on.)
My mind is so unstable right now.
First we see some PREVIOUSLY on LOST of the season 5 finale.
THEN SOME FARADAY, what joy. How I miss him. I MISS YOU THE BUTTLOAD FARADAY. YOU AND YOUR WAY OF SPEECH.
BUT THEN SAYID GETS SHOT, JACK THROWS THE BOMB, METAL THINGS GO EVERYWHERE
THEN THE MOST PRECIOUS SULIET MOMENT HAPPENS
AND THEN JULIET IS ALL WHACKWHACK
THEN BOOMLOST.
Now onto the episode, you see Jack on flight 815, and then you see ‘OTHERISH’ CINDY. /COUGH
And the plane does its “time to freak out the passengers” routine.
And at this point I’m expecting flight 815 to do what it does best. Y’know like…crash. <_<; style=""> IDGIIIIIIIII.
And Jack..he was so scared, it’s like his body was PREPARED for the worst for this plane to crash.
Well…I don’t know, but anyway. Jack and Rose make short conversation because Bernard is gone, and yay Bernard comes back now.
Rose and Bernard have a moment, and as Jack stares all I could do is feel compassionate because at that moment you KNOW he’s thinking of Sarah.
Well I have something to say to you Sarah.
Fuck you.
MOVING ON.
Jack enters a bathroom and we see this thing on his neck. You think it’s a really vulgar hickie BUT IT’S NOT. How on earth did Jack get that? Was it recent because of how fresh the blood was? But how? The plane didn’t go nuts, it only went a little rocky. Questions, questions.
SUDDENLY, MY BROTHA FROM ANOTHA MOTHA -- DESMOND APPEARS.
BELIEVE YOU ME, I SCREAMED IN UTTER JOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOY. C:
But just alone from Desmond’s existence on this flight, questions are pouring into my head.
WHY is Desmond on the flight 815? What are his connections to Australia/LA? And now that Desmond’s previous past with the hatch never happened, does his future change with Penny as well? I mean, sure they’re together, but do they even get to live on a boat and have a kid named Charlie? Their future could possibly be different. Hell, maybe they’ve seen TOO much of each other and have broken up. Since the absence DOES make the heart grow fonder and the island/hatch did that very well for them.
It hasn’t even been 5 min into the show, rofl.
So now the camera is taking a detour into the water…I don’t get it.
Not getting it.
Not caring.
Lalalala.
THEN ALL OF A FREAKIIIIIIIIIIING SUDDEN WE SEE THAT STATUE UNDERWATER AND THAT MEANS THE ISLAND IS UNDERWATER.
HOW THE HELL, WHY? OMG, IDGI.
WHAT ABOUT ITS INHABITANTS.
SURE FLIGHT 815 NEVER CRASHED, BUT THAT DOESN’T CHANGE THE LIFE OF THE OTHERS AND BEN AND JULIET AND RICHARD.
…OR DOES IT? BECAUSE I DON’T SEE HOW.
ARE THE OTHERS EVEN OTHERS ANYMORE?
DOES THIS MEAN TOM IS ALIVE?
Okay I sound like I’m in labour right now after that.
HEC. TIC.
Back to the show – repeat of the last scene in the s5 finale., and a continuation.
AND OF COURSE WE SEE AN EYE AND IT’S KATE.
But the sound is totally muffled, I don’t get this, I thought it was my TV.
See if I were Kate I would’ve fallen, and plopped onto the ground and probably die or something.
But luckily she’s good with trees. /Kate haters = L
Kate finally gets her ears fixed – which I might add, I LIKED the muffled effect, how it kind of made audiences a bit apart of the scenario. Kudos.
THEN WHOOPSIE DAISY KATE SEEMS TO HAVE TRIPPED ON AN ASIAN.
WHY HELLO MISTER TALKY DEAD PEOPLE.
NICE DIRTY STACHE.
Luckily he can’t hear me. :D
Kate is such a douche here, she could’ve answered Miles when he asked her where they were. XD;
BUT SHE RUNS OFF.
And we see the demolished site, and at first I think like Miles and believe it’s the construction site, HOWEVER, OUR HEROES ARE BACK IN THE PRESENT TIME…I THINK, SO KATE CONFIRMS THAT IT IS THE SWAN HATCH.
YAY FOR POSSIBLE TOGETHERNESS WITH SUN AND FRANK! :D
So while Kate’s humping Jack to see if he’s okay, WE GET RUDLEY INTERRUPTED BY THE FOOT OF AN ANGRY HOT REDNECK. With adorable dimples I might add.
SAWYER TIME YAY.
But we all saw this coming seeing as many of us expected Juliet to be dead, I still feel bad because Suliet was the only couple I was happy for. Aside from Rose and Bernard, Sun and Jin, Desmond and Penny..IF THERE EVEN IS A DESMOND AND PENNY ANYMORE.
BACK TO THE FLASH…IF FLIGHT 815 NEVER CRASHED. Really, why are they showing us this? Idgi.
We see Jack needs to
IS THAT LOOSE CHANGE?! YOU ARE A WHORE.
I don’t see why Kate gets food, she should starve srsly.
BUT THEN GLORIOUS SAWYER BRUSHES THE DICKWAD OF LEGAL AUTHORITY AND MAKES EYE CONTACT WITH KATE.
He’s thinking with his penis right there, you can tell. /shakes head
And then we see Artz and Hurley.
I’d like to make a side note – when I was first told Artz was reappearing in Season 6 I thought he was coming back from the dead and I was going to jump out of my seat and such, BUT NO. This was so disappointing. XD
Moving on, Artz and Hurley share some Australian accent humor…at least Artz does.
So Hurley talks about his love for chicken thanks to the lottery, and Sawyer gives him some good advice, because hell, I wouldn’t tell STRANGERS I won the lottery. I’d feel like they’d get a hitman to follow me shoot me and take my loot. But then again, they’re just STRANGERS right? Yeah, keep thinking like that and you’ll get mugged.
But here’s what made me nearly choke on my bagel.
Hurley goes “thanks for the advice but nothing bad ever happens to me…I’M THE LUCKIEST GUY ALIVE”
WHAT.
WHAT.
WHAT.
WHAT.
QUE?!
YOU’RE SUPPOSE TO BE CURSED DAMMIT.
OR AT LEAST STRONGLY BELIEVE YOU ARE.
WTF DID YOU DO JACK…waitwait.
This could be good..I guess. I GUESS.
(Is in need of blaming Jack for something. Will I be satisfied?)
BACK TO THE ISLAND – where I might add, surprisingly, things are making more sense to me on the island than they are on peaceful flight 815. Ironic.
So Hurley and Jin – LOVE YOU SO MUCH JINNNNNNNNN <3 style=""> ILY SAYID!
Seriously, I will never forgive Jack for going to talk to Sawyer during the season 5 finale and leaving one of the most BAMF-IEST people to bleed.
so Sawyer is yelling so loud, so Hurley hears him, Jin runs, and is ANYONE ELSE BOTHERED THAT JIN SPEAKS BROKEN ENGLISH SO WELL NOW? I miss his struggles, it was adorable.
Then…THEN
KATE HEARS JULIET, AND SAWYER GOES BONKERS AND SO AM I AND EVERYONE’S WORKING TO GET HER – but then.
We see lots of blood and Sayid and Hurley and Sayid is making me sad.
He’s getting all ready to die and such, and we get it, you’ve done bad stuff Sayid, but don’t talk like that, wly. L
Somehow Hurley hears some noises, and he’s all I’VE GOT A GUN AND I KNOW HOW TO SHOOT IT, and my mom’s in the kitchen all SO? Rofl. I thought that was cute.
And in my head I’m thinking maybe it’s one of the Others from Flocke’s crew. But when Hurley starts doing that –turns head slowly- thing, you know it’s gonna be a shocker.
AND IT WAS! AAAAAAAAAAAH! OMGOMG JACOB! YOU’RE ALIVE? ARE YOU THAT INVINICIBLE? WILL WE FINALLY GET SOME ANSWERS FROM YOU?!
Nice haircut btw Jacob.
And after the commercial break we bring ourselves back to a very un-crashed plane that goes by Oceanic flight 815.
This makes me sad, seeing Sun and Jin having marital problems. SEE JACK, YOU THINK EVERYONE IS OKAY THIS WAY? THEY’RE NOT.
(I have blamed Jack for this. I am satisfied.)
Here we see, good ol Locke and then…
GOOD OL BEAUTIFUL BOONE. AND WITH THAT BEING SAID I BRING YOU THIS IMAGE:
So did Shannon stay in that bad relationship? I don’t understand why that would change, maybe they couldn’t get the actress.
But this makes me happy – seeing that no matter what, Boone and Locke would still have some sort of connection.
THEN ONTO CRAZYCRAZY LOCKE, AHHHHHH, THE FAKE. RIPPING OUT SOME FABRIC, WIPING THE BLOOD FROM THE KNIFE THAT BEN USED T KILL JACOB.
And Ben is like freaking out. I don’t like Ben like this, I don’t like him without his confidence.
Lmfao I love how he says “what” though, it’s like “whaht.”
So now out into the crazy scene where Ilana and Richard are talking about dead and fake Locke. Sun and Frank discuss a bit about them.
So Richard tries to explain to the brand new Ana Lucia (bitch) and Raisin Bram (asshole) that they can’t go in, and then they argue, and omg I love this part.
Richard goes “Asking me what’s in the DAMN statue doesn’t mean that you’re in charge.” And I was like YEAH RICHARD HAS A BAMF PILL AFTER BREAKFAST.
Cause really, Richard needs to be a BAMF, to me he’s just the nice guy that knows everything.
So Ben comes out, LYING as usual, saying that everything’s fine. And gets smart ass-ish with Ilana.
He says that Flocke wants to talk to Richard, but then Richard gets a bit more bamf and drags Ben and pushes him next to dead Locke, and Ben is like TALKING WITH HIS HUGE EYE BALLS. Oh yeah. Ben just soiled himself.
BACK TO JACK AND THE GANG, they are pulling all sorts of stuff to get Juliet out, then there’s this huuuuuge chunk of metal, and ohmahgad. I am disappointed with LOST right now, this is a slow ass premiere. :/
AND BACK TO JACOB AND HIS NEW HAIRCUT AND I’M STILL :OOOO
BUT THENNNNNNNNNNN, he confirms he is dead, and that makes total sense, cause like OH YEAH, NO SHIT, Hurley can speak to the dead. I totally forgot. XD
And Jacob explains how to save Sayid, andandand I’m like YES HOPE FOR MY LITTLE TERRORIST! And it has something to do with the hole where Jin was with Rousseau.
Then Hurley asks for Jacob’s name, and Jacob’s all, I’m Jacob, and Hurley’s all –INSERT BEN LINUS’S EYES ONTO MINE- I lol’d.
Jin arrives! Yay! And rushes so that they could get Juliet out. Hurley asks Jin about teen girl and hole and Jin’s all OH THAT PLACE? YEAH WE GO WAAAAY BACK. And Hurley said he’d bring his bong if they could go party there and Jin is like SURE.
Except you all could obviously tell none of that happen.
BACK TO THIS SLOW MOVING TRAIN WRECK OF A PREMIERE.
AND THEN.
AND THEN.
FUCKING. TRAITOR. CINDY. ALL BUCKWILD UP WITH HER HEADBAND – APPEARS OUT OF FUHRICKIN NO WHERE.
SHE’S ALL
OH I KNOW WHO THEY ARE, THEY WERE ON THE FIRST LFIGHT, FLIGHT 815.
Like she’s some smart ass.
Well I have similar news that I gave Sarah but for you Cindy.
Fuck you.
AND ASIAN GOES ON BLABBING; and then walks off. And I’m like waaah? And the white guy is like, you sure? K SHOOT EM.
And I’m like MAMA NOOOOO!
JACK IS ALL NOOOO
AND HURLEY IS ALL, HOLD UP, WAIT A MINUTE, LET ME PUT MY TWO CENTS IN IT!
(long pause)
Hurley: Jacob told us to come here
Asian & White Guy: SAY WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAT?
Then Asian tells white guy to tell Hurley to prove that Jacob told him such.
And Hurley is all UUUUH
and I’m all UUUUH
And then asian guy tells everyone to shoot again, BUT THEN
LOAD AND BEHOLD THE GUITAR CASE.
I WAS LIKE IT’S ABOUT FUCKING TIME THAT MOTHERFUCKER OF AN INANITMATE OBJECT GOT SOME TIME IN THE SPOTLIGHT!
And Asian/White guy are all DID YOU LOOK?
And Hurley’s like MAYBEEEE.
And we all know he did.
SO FINALLY. THE GUITAR CASE. OPENED. AND I SOUND LIKE IM ORGASMING RIGHT ABOUT NOW.
Butthen. IT WAS JUST AN EGYPTIAN SYMBOL STICK THING.
And then I was frustrated, I wanted something like a beanie baby. ):
BUT THEN ASIAN MAN BREAKS THAT STICK THING IN HALF AND THERE’S A PAPER AND THE PAPER HAS WORDS AND THE WORDS ARE:
…well we don’t know that yet. Just wait for it.
And then the Asian guy is like IT’S TIME FOR ATTENDANCE CHILDREN
And everyone says their names like the good first graders they are.
And then the Asian is guy, TO THE
And Hurley is like HOLD UP. WAIT A MINUTE. I CARRIED THAT THING ACORSS THE OCEAN, I WANNA KNOW WHAT THE WORDS ON THAT PAPER BE.
AND THE WORDS ON THAT PAPER ARE:
WE’RE IN DEEP DOGSHIT IF SAYID DOESN’T LIVE
aw shiet.
and NOW? We have landed in LA. And everyone’s going on with their lives.
So first we see Sun and Jin and I can’t tell you how much it upsets me that they’re not the Sun and Jin from the island. They are miserable, and Sun is currently plotting to LEAVE Jin. Do you fucking see this Jack? Sun and Jin’s baby don’t even exist no mo’ cause of your selfish ass. FREAKIN JACK!
MOVING ON
the agent guy is being a dick to Jin, WHO DOESN’T SPEAK ENGLISH ANYMORE BECAUSE…HE ISN’T ON THE FUCKING ISLAND (evil sawyer eye’s jack-ass) and we see CASH and Sun is all WTF and Jin is all LEMME HANDLE THIS WOMAN. And then the other agent is all DO YOU SPEAK ENGLISH? CAUSE THAT WOULD HELP. And Sun is all /LIESLIESLIES/ NOPE. NO ENGLISH. I’M SO KOREAN. ;D
BACK TO THE ISLANDDDDD!
They are in the temple, at the spring – FINALLY.
It is noted that the water is no longer clear and that something happened. I wonder what? O_o
So the asian guy cuts himself and puts his hand in the spring and I’m assuming he expected it to be healed right then but it was because OMG THE WATER ISN’T CLEAR ANYMORE.
So then white guy asks who did this to Sayid, and Jack takes the blame, even though he didn’t shoot him, he still feels responsible. And I’m like YEAH YOU BETTER FEEL GUILTY YOU LIFE RUINER. I KNEW YOU WERE TROUBLE SINCE SEASON 1.
The Asian guy states that there are risks.
AND HERE’S A LITTLE REMINDER
When young Ben was shot, he was taken to the temple, and Richard Alpert said the exact same thing – THERE WILL BE RISKS, However Richard Alpert stated the risk would be Ben’s innocence.
So what’s Sayid’s risk? His innocence? Is Sayid even innocent to begin with? More fucking questions. Argh.
But Jack, you know, just wanting Sayid to be fucking alive again so he can feel good about himself (Oh come on, I wasn’t the only one thinking that) says DO WHAT YOU GOTTA DO.
And then Asian guy/White guy says STRIP HIS OVERALLS OFF AND PUT HIM IN THE SPRING.
And Asian guy turns an hour glass over.
And Sayid is now in the spring.
AND THEN
AND THEN
HE’S CONSCIOUS
HE’S ALIVE
HE’S KICKING
BUT THOSE BASTARDS ARE KEEPING HIM IN THERE UNIL THE HOURGLASS FINISHES.
And adorable Hurley is like, can unconscious people hold their breath underwater? And Jack is like NO.
AND EVERYONE IS ALL WTFWTF GET OUR FRIEND OUT OF THERE YOU SILLY GOOSES!
And when the sand stops pouring, so does Sayid’s struggles in the spring.
And they bring him out.
And then they’re all
Uhh…yeah Sayid’s dead.
And the viewers at home cross their arms and go WELL I FUCKING WONDER WHY!
I was like, crying. I couldn’t believe it, I love Sayid. ):
And Jack tries to save him, and fucking Kate is all OMG HE’S DEAD STOP, and he listens. HE LISTENS.
WELL EXCUSE ME BUT LAST TIME SHE DID THAT HE DIDN’T LISTEN AND SAVED CHARLIE’S LIFE BACK AT SEASON 1.
THE FUCK IS YOUR PROBLEM KATE?
THE FUCK IS YOUR PROBLEM?
Back to the Airport where Flight 815 landed.
SAYID AWAITS FOR LUGGAGE. ALIVE AND WELL. AND ON THE HUNT FOR NADIA, WHO IS ALSO ALIVE, OR SHOULD BE. JOY! :D
And Kate is all trying to avoid Mars and shit and tries to get into a cab and Frogurt is like WHOA LADY WHOA LADY WHOA, THERE’S A LINE! And Kate is all /HIDES BEHIND HURLEY
But Mars and Kate make eye contact, and Kate is all /RUNS INTO CAB
And Kate’s all GO.
And the cab driver is like YO LADY THIS IS TAKEN
AND KATE IS ALL I SAID /GUN POINT/ GO
AND CLAIRE IS ALL O________O shit.
and Mars is like /BITCH SLAPS THECAB
STOP THE CABBBBB!!!!111!qwselevononehdgdh~
back to the island!
Bitch Cindy and the kids bring food while the others drop off Miles and Sawyer like laundry. But Sawyer apparently took out 4 men before one hit him with a rock. :’D THAT’S MY SAWYER.
Kate tends to him and Jack is all LOOKS AWAY and I’m all LOLOLOL.
And white guy is all HURLEYC’MERE
And Hurley is all wuuuuh but goes anyhow.
And Asian guy is all SO WHAT JACOB TELL YOU
And Hurley is all SAVE SAYID
And Asian guy is like OMG IT WAS TOO LATE FOR HIM
And Hurley notices that the asian guy doesn’t need translation of English – and I noticed this a few scenes back and was wondering when SOMEONE was gonna point it out.
AND THEN ASIAN MAN IS LIKE ENGLISH TASTES LIKE SHIT. SO YEAH, WHERE’S JACOB?
And Hurley’s all -- You guys are SO 2004, Jacob’s dead. Like DUH.
So now we’re back at the other side of the temple and it’s like ALERT THE MEDIA SOMETHING’SABOUT TO HAPPEN and everyone’s pouring sand and shit and the viewers are like UH OH! A CERTAIN SMOKE CREATURE IS TO BE EXPECTED. (YAY! Not because they’re in danger but for entertainment purposes lolol)
NOW BEN AND FLOCKE START TALKING!
Ben is all WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU?
And Flocke is all I’M A WHO YOU BASTARD.
Ben is all YOU USED ME.
And Flocke is all HE WAS CONFUSED WHEN HE DIED.
And Ben is all SINCE WHEN DOES JACOB GET CONFUSED?
And Flocke is all NOT JACOB, JOHN LOCKE. HE WAS WHY? I DON’T UNDERSTAND BLAHBLAHBLAH WHEN YOU KILLED HIM, SICKO.
Ben is all WTF DO YOU WANT
And Flocke is all SOMETHING THAT JOHN LOCKE DIDN’T WANT – TO GO HOME
But wait…where IS Flocke’s home? What home is he referring too? I don’t understand. I’m John Locke-ing myself here. (lololol)
And the very last line in this part of the transcript made me laugh.
[Locke shows his mean face]
Just to remind readers that Fake John Locke is really mean. XD
BACK TO THE TEMPLE
Hurley is like to dead Sayid, IF YOU WANNA TALK, HOLLA AT ME.
And Miles is all freaked out, and I’m so scared because Miles talks to the dead so I’m like wondering WHAT MILES, SAY IT, WHAT’S GOING ON And Hurley asks the same thing, and Miles says nothing, and I’m like YOU ARE A MAN WITH A DIRTY STACHE THAT LIES.
Back to the airport.
So this dude tells Jack they don’t know where Jack’s dead father is at right now.
And Jack is all HEAVY BREATHING WTFFFFFF
And John Locke appears all HOWDY DOODY WATCHA LOSE?
Jack is all you wouldn’t believe me.
And John Locke is all try me.
And Jack is like ,MY DEAD FATHER.
And John Locke is all, whoa. I’m sorry. And this is where I like John Locke again because he’s cool and not dead and not involved with faith.
Actually JACK is involved with faith in this scene, as John Locke has no hope for his condition and Jack does, which I thought was really, really ironic yet sweet. John states that Jack beats his story cause all John lost was a whole bunch of knives.
And Jack gives John his BRAGGY FINGAH DOCTAH card, and John is like /I just made a friend, joy.
BACK TO THE BEACHY PART OF THE ISLAND
Richard sees the firey signal from the temple and looks like he’s about to piss himself.
FLOCKE COMES OUT
Everyone’s all POINT GUNS
Richard is all OMG DON’T SHOOT
And Frank is all I STILL DON’T BELIEVE THIS SHIT.
And Flocke is all WHAT UP RICARDUS, NICE TO SEE YOU OUTTA THEM CHAINS.
And we’re like OMG CHAINS?! THOSE THEORIES OF RICHARD BEING IN THE BLACK ROCK ARE LOOKING QUITE TRUE RIGHT NOW.
And Richard is shitting bricks. And he’s all…YOU
And Flocke is all badass and is all ME! And gives the MOST SCARIEST FACE EVER AND THIS IS WHEN I WAS LIKE TERRY O QUINN YOU ARE ONE BEAST OF AN ACTOR.
FLOCKE GLOBBERS RICHARD UNCONSCIOUS AND TAKES HIM OVER HIS SHOULDER.
I AM HYPERVENTIALATING.
AND FLOCKE IS ALL
I AM VERY DISAPPOINTED IN ALL OF YOU, and I was like waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah? Why? Idgi.
BACK TO THE TEMPLE.
So white guy at the temple is all ARE YOU JACK SHEPHARD? MISTER BRAGGY DOCTAH FINGAHS?
And Jack is all NO. I AM JACK SHEPHARD. MISTER BRAGGY FINGAHS DOCTAH.
And white guy is all WE GOTTA SPEAK WITH YOU IN PRIVATE.
And Jack is all SAY IT OUT HERE. BECAUSE I LIKE BEING DIFFICULT.
And White guy is like LISTEN. WE CAN DO THIS THE EASY WAY OR THE HARD WAY, GET AT HIM BOYS
And as a show down is about to happen with Jack and the others Hurley is all
O_O JAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAACK
And then we’re all wtf what now? We want fight tiem.
BUT THEN
I FLIPPED MY LID
CHOKED ON MY SPIT
AND SCREAMED.
SAYID HAS ARISEN FROM THE DEAD.
THE FUCKING DEAD.
I AM SO HAPPY I CAN HARDLY BREATHE.
FUCK YEAH, NO ONE MESSES WITH SAYID JARRAH MOTHERFUCKERS.
SAYID IS ALIIIIIIIIVE. <33333>
